Mom's Favorite Pastimes

Every once and a while, when she isn't sufficiently busy with the three B's that tend to occupy most of her time (Bunko, Bookclub, and Botox) (Note: She hasn't actually ever gotten botox yet, but CONSIDERING getting botox is like, her full time hobby. There's always a new pamphlet to read.), anyway, when she isn't busy with those three things she will barge into my room and say:

"Earlene! Enough! I can't stand it anymore! You can't LIVE like this! We are going to have a GIRLS DAY!"

Now, having a girls day, like, a real girls day, is really appealing to me, and someday if Hiroko ever makes good on her offer to come visit from Japan, I hope to spend an entire day eating yogurt (girls love yogurt) and getting those cute acrilyic nails with the palm trees on them.

But the thought of eating yogurt with my mom and listening to her go on and on about her friends' sex lives, which she does not for a minute pause to think might be uncomfortable for me, is really just a whole new level of hell.  So I usually just say no, and then my mom will beg, and then I will say no, and then she will say "but it would make me so happy!" and then I say no, and then she says "we can stop at GameStop on the way home", and then I reluctantly agree.

The first stop is usually to the Clinique counter, where Martha, who I'm pretty sure is blind, has been doing my mom's makeup for the past 20 years. Martha and her Coworkers always get really excited when I come in and all gather around and inspect me face and argue about whether I am spring or a fall colored person (??) and then dab like an inch of makeup on me and I always look pretty much the same. And then they just stare at me, sort of puzzled and say things like "Hmm.....well. Maybe next time we should go for the 312 Foundation instead of the 311, maybe that's it." and "Don't worry, we'll crack it next time!" to my mom.

Today, in the car driving to the hair salon (the second part of my semi-annual "makeover) my mom tried to convince me of the importance of regular hair and makeup appointments.

Mom: It's just, it's part of life, Early, it's part of what a woman does, I mean, don't you want people to stop calling you names?

ME: People don't call me names.......

Mom: Oh. Well. Good. *turns up radio*

Then we got to the hair salon and Mom and Marco (born in Dallas, TX, fyi...) decide that it will be super fun if they turn my chair away from the mirror so I don't see the results until the end. Whoopee. Then Marco attacks my hair like a whirling dirvish and talks about how magnifico I look and keeps kissing his fingers and stuff.

Well, here's the before and after.

I mean, obviously I look good, but let's not exxagerate, it's not the freaking Princess Diaries.

Anyway, Mom usually doesn't talk on the drive home, and then doesnt suggest another makeover for at least six months or so.

Which is fine by me.

Another Beautiful Senryū

I hate the name "Charles"

And the loser who likes me

Of course is named Charles.

I hate any first name that ends in "s", it's so annoying, like Charles is the plural of a Charle and I don't know what a Charle is but I certainly don't trust it and of course I know it comes from Charlemagne but "Song of Roland: The Game" is like, the WORST video game ever.

Here is how I met Charle[s]:

There is this coffee shop I go to sometimes when my mom forces me to go out on a run but I really don't feel like running so I just stuff my PSP into my sports bra and I run down the street and my mom usually watches from the window so I don't stop until I turn the corner and then I just walk to the coffee shop and have a mocha frappuchino and a donut or something and play PSP. And then after a sufficient period of time has passed I will walk back home, but I before walking into the house I will douse myself with the hose out back and so when I walk into the house and fake pant a lot my mom will look all self-satisfied like she actually made me excersise.

ANYWAY.

Charle[s] works at the coffee shop and once he come over and looked over my shoulder was all

"Chain of Olympus?"

And I looked up and him and was all:

"duh."

Like, HELLO? DUH?! OBVIOUSLY I AM PLAYING CHAIN OF OLYMPUS, like, what did he think I would say? "Oh, it's funny, this has all the same GRAPHICS of Chain of Olympus: War of the Mortals, but it's actually HELLO KITTY."

And since then he ALWAYS comes over and like, wants to talk about video games but he actually does not know as much about video games as he THINKS he knows because he obviously does not spend as much time on the blogosphere as I do. 

And then the last time I was there, when he handed me my mochachino he also handed me a napkin and it said "You're non-traditional. I like that. I may be developing a crush..."

what??????????????????????

There is NOTHING non-traditional about me!!!!!!!

Stupid Charle[s].

Best. Invention. Ever.

Sometimes I get really sad about the fact that I dont have a boyfriend, and I admit I can become somewhat obsessive about all the things I'm missing out on. Things that only couples can do. Things that, yes, in theory, you can do it alone, but, it's really not the same without a guy.

Par Example:

A) when you're single, you can't have fun matching costumes for halloween.  like i always thought it would be soooo cute to go to a halloween party with my boyfriend dressed as ketchup and mustard. but this isn't really doable when you're single, because then you're just at a party dressed like mustard. 

B) also, a fantasy of mine is to ride through central park on a tandem bicycle, wearing a flowy white dress and a ribbon in my hair, while my boyfriend whistles that Daisy song, the one that talks about looking sweet on a bicycle built for two. but, if you've ever tried riding a tandem bicycle by yourself, you know that those things are REALLY hard to steer wtihout someone else riding with you.

C) perhaps the best part of having a boyfriend is having the privilege of gently drifting to sleep in his strong, muscular, Curve for Men scented arms.

yes, those are truly the things that dreams are made of, but alas, merely the stuff of dreams for a single gal like me.

UNTIL!!!!!

(drumroll)

Ladies and Gentleman, the MANPILLOW!!! Designed for the single girl in need of some manly comfort! No more nights not knowing what it feels like to have a 

man's protective arms around me. And it's only $80!!! 

I'm definitely gonna look for one on ebay.

So long, nights of loneliness. Hellooooooo, ManPillow!

woe is me.................as usual.

My whole life, I've wanted someone to have a crush on me. I've DREAMED of someone having a crush on me. You don't know how many times ive gotten an email that says "EARLENE, someone has a MAJOR CRUSH on you, CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT WHO!!" and I get so excited, only to have my dreams dashed when i open it and accidently download a virus that erases all of my dad's important work files.

So, of COURSE, the one time someone FINALLY HAS A CRUSH ON ME, he turns out to be a total freak. this guy is a LO to the SER.

ugh. i'll explain more tomorrow. i gotta go eat some mac'n'cheese and try to cheer myself up.

Earlene's Guide to Complicated Political Jargon

Tonight was the first Presidential Debate. I watched it and ate cupcakes.

Me watching the Debates. My cupcake fell on the ground and broke in two. But it was still good.

the debates can be kind of hard to follow unless you're well-versed in political terminology, and can pick up on the many allusions the candidates peppered their responses with. Luckily, I am, and can.

to help you make sense of this historic event, I have decided to write up a quick LEXICON of some of the words tossed around this evening.

EARLENE'S LEXICON

MAIN STREET:   This was referenced numerous time by both candidates, for example: The stock market crash does not only affect Wall Street, it affects MAIN STREET as well. For those of you who do not know where MAIN STREET is, I will tell you: it is the main thoroughfare of Disneyland, that includes such features as a trolley, an old fashioned cinema, and an ice cream parlor. The stock market crash affects MAIN STREET because Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, but not if parents can't afford to take their kids there anymore. 

FANNIE MAY: An evil lady. McCain warned people about her.

FREDDY MAC: Presumably Fannie May's accomplice.

EARMARKING: colloquially known as Pierced Ears. McCain sees this as a gateway drug to more serious rebellions, such as cocaine, heroine, and tattoos. 

MISS CONGENIALITY: An award frequently given to charming pageant winners who are also pretty, a la Sandra Bullock. Not really surprising that John McCain did not win this award...

Senate Inside Baseball: this one is pretty self-explanatory...a baseball game, played by senators, inside the senate. During Recess, I guess....

Definition of Tactic vs. Definition of Strategy: it actually does basically mean the same thing.

an old pen: fancy political terminology for "A Sharpie"

Hope that cleared some things up for you guys! Here's hoping for a rousing vice-presidential debate next week!

-Early

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I am so exhausted, you don't even know. You just don't even know.

7:20 am: After pulling an all nighter, I finally, FINALLY finish the rousing game of Graal Kingdom, which has been going on for about ten  hours. It was touch and go for a while, and around 3:00 am I thought I had lost the game, but in the end I, of course, prevailed. EAT  MY DUST, HIROKO AND SVEN!!!!!!

7:25 am:    Finally shut off my laptop and close my eyes for some much deserved sleep.

12:00 pm: I've only been asleep for four and a half hours when I'm rudely woken up by my mother, who tells me lunch is ready. I scream at her for a little, but then my love of BLTs gets the best of me, and I head downstairs. After all, I should probably replenish my  nutrients...I'm still feeling pretty zapped from last night.

12:45 pm: My eyes are burning from sleep deprivation, but I resist the urge to go to sleep, as I haven't checked blogs in over 18 hours, and can't  permit myself to get too far behind.

2:00 pm:  I break for a salami sandwich.

2:30 pm:  My mother bursts into my room, again, and insists I get some excersisze. Reluctantly, I agree to go for a jog. Even though I didn't want to work out today, it actually felt pretty good, and I even got to the second song on my workout mix! (The milkshake song.)

3:00 pm:  I'm still tired, and I want a nap, but 3:00 is when I groom Paul, my cat. It takes forever and is very tedious, but Paul is a little  diva, and acts up if he doesn't get spa treatments.

4:00 pm:  BAD SURPRISE. My aunt has dropped Ish off after school becuase he is grounded and cannot be trusted to stay home alone, and she has a hair appointment. I haaaaaaaaate Ish. My mom insists I help him on his World History homework.

4:30 pm:  The tutoring session with Ish calling me a Dungeons and Dragons-Hag-Bulgy-Freak, after I screamed that he was a *bleeping  MORON* when he didn't know the capital of the Mayan Empire. It was pretty dumb of him, hasn't he ever played "MAYAN KINGDOM QUEST"?

5:00 pm  I feel bad about insulting Ish's low intelligence. It isn't really his fault. I once told my mom that I think Aunt Trish might have knocked back a few too many cocktails while pregnant with him, and wasn't allowed to go online for a week. Still, I think it's true,  and that certainly explains a lot about poor Ish.

5:10 pm:  In an attempt to cheer him up, I challenge Ish to a game of Mahjong.  He mumbles a response that I couldn't really make out, but did catch the word "farts".

5:20 pm:  Aunt Trish FINALLY picks Ish up. She almost accepted mom's offer of staying for dinner, til Ish kicked her in the shins. "I guess I better take him home...."

5:30 pm:  FRANKS AND BEANS FOR DINNER, SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:00 pm:  Search for Lisa Frank memorabilia on Ebay. It's gonna be priceless someday, I'm ahead of the trend.

7:00 pm: CSI:MIAMI rerun on A&E. I don't know if I've talekd about this on the blog before, but David Carouso is my celebrity crush. GOD I'd like me a piece of that....

8:00 pm: I gladly take Mom up on her offer of home-made Nachos, (made with velveeta) realizing the catch 22 too late....she'll give me the  nachos if i paint her toe nails. I really have much better things to do with my time....................but I really do love nachos.

9:00 pm: WHERE DID THE DAY GO?!?! I'm exhausted and desperately desperately need sleep....but Sven and Hiroko are back online, demanding a rematch. I can't decline, my honor depends on it. 

Oh well....sometimes I think I should get more sleep. But then I remember that this is my YOUTH, these are my golden years, and I don't want to waste a second of it. I can sleep when I'm 60....until then.....I'll see you in graal.

-Early

Just FYI.....

I don't know how many of you guys play Neopets, but if you do, here's mine:

BradneyWatts likes to live in the River. He likes to gather food. He greets others by attacking them if they are weaker.

Hope to see you guys in Neopia!!!

10/10

My birthday is 15 days away.

Think I can get a boyfriend by then?

Maybe I should have a party....

A Conversation with my Mother

Mom enters my room, sans KNOCKING. I am on my bed, happily engrossed in my fourth Neopets Key Quest.

MOM: Early, what are you doing? It's 3:00 in the afternoon.

ME: *growls*

MOM: The sun is shining, the sky is blue, birds are chirping!

ME: *Growls louder.*

MOM: Why don't you call up some friends and take a walk or something?

ME: Because all of my FRIENDS live in Singapore and Bombay and Leipzig, and I am playing with them right now.

MOM: What do you mean you're playing with them? You're lying on your bed, doing nothing!

ME: I am PLAYING with them ONLINE, Mom! It's the 21st century!!! In fifty years, people won't ever need to be in the same room again!

MOM: Don't be ridiculous! What about that guy you went out with on Friday? Why don't you call him up?

ME: No.

MOM: What, you didn't like him? You're too picky, Earlene! That's why you don't have a boyfriend.

ME: Yes, that is exactly why I don't have a boyfriend, Mother. Because I'm too picky.

MOM: You're a beautiful girl, Earlene! You just have to leave your room once in a while.

ME: Technically, I have left my room! Technically, I am in Neopia right now! OKAY?

MOM: I give up.

Mom leaves room, slamming door behind her.

Parents just don't understand.

Second Attempt

This time he answered!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Except I freaked out and then hung up.

But still!!!! Progress!!!!!

Attempt #1

No answer.

Senryū

Will I ever meet

A man I like as much as

Christopher Plummer?

....So, should i call him?

He hasn't called me.

But....

Maybe he is waiting for me to call him, and therefore has not called me?

Maybe he is too shy, and thus has not called me?

Maybe he is embarrassed because he had mustard on his cheek, and thus has not called me?

Maybe he thinks I wasn't interested in him, and thus has not called me?

Maybe he is trying to "play it cool", and thus has not called me?

Maybe he lost my number, and thus has not called me?

Maybe he lost my number, and the internet doesn't work where he is staying, and thus he has not messaged me to ask for my number again and then called me?

I think, probably, that the polite thing to do would be for ME to call him.

Silly

I SEE you, America!!!!

Oh, what a night!

So! My date last night! A lot of you have been asking: "Earlene! Who is this mystery man you are going on a date with? Is it bradney?"

Sadly, readers, it was not Bradney. It is Trey*, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my mom's. He is visiting town for the weekend, and when his mom said "how would you like to be shown around town by a cute girl your age?" he said "sure!" and the rest is history!

I told Trey to meet me at 8:00 at the Spring. Here is a photograph I snapped of him as he walked up to greet me: ( I think I startled him.)

I have to say, if I were to rate Trey on his first date conversation skills, I don't think he would score very high. He just kept asking a lot of questions, which I know is something guys do to show their interest in you, but it got to be a little redundant.

TREY: So....you're Earlene?

ME:  Uh-huh!                          

 TREY: Wow...

ME: Yep!                        

TREY: Wow...for real?          

ME: ....Uh-huh!                                                         

TREY: Wow....wait...wait....is this--is CRAIG here? Craig's behind this, isn't he? Did he set you up to this? Where is he???

ME: Huh?

TREY: Uhm. Nothing. Wow.

            

Then there was an awkward, long lull in the conversation, so I decided to help him out a little bit with some more interesting conversation starters.

ME: Do you like monkeys?

TREY: *mutters something under his breath and hides behind the drink menu*

So then I snapped a picture of him.

I don't think he really likes having his picture taken, but I got a couple good ones anyway.

My town is pretty well known for it's nightspots. Trey is from Minneapolis, so I definitely wanted to bring him somewhere that would impress the socks off of him. I thought long and hard about where to take him, and finally came up with the perfect place:

Trey spent most of the night ordering drinks. (He ordered a LOT. of drinks. muttered something about needing drinks to get through this. isn't that a sign of alcoholism?)

Since I don't drink alcohol, I ordered the next best thing: Mac N' Cheese!

I told Trey I had to take a picture of us, to document our first date.

I told Trey that if he wanted another drink, I would order another Mac N'Cheese but he told me that wasn't necessary.

That's the last picture I have of Trey, cause after that he (rather roughly, I must say) demanded I put the camera away..........

.....but not before taking some more fun shots of myself!!!!!

I gave Trey my number and he said he'd call. But just between you and me, I'm not gonna be too broken up about it if he doesn't. He is not a great conversationalist, and his penchant for alcohol worried me.

Still, it was nice to get gussied up for a night on the town!!! Sometimes, all you need is a date, even if it's not an AMAZING one, just to remind yourself to keep putting yourself out there and have a good time meeting new and interesting people. So i'd say my date with Trey was a SUCCESS!!! :-) :-) :-)

*"Trey" is not his real name. When I told him about the blog, he was pretty adamant about me not telling anyone his name. Hope he doesn't mind the pictures...hee hee! ;-)

Oh man, guys........

Last night....

I'm not sure how to really describe it.

Luckily I took lots of pictures. 

Which I will post right after I go eat a cheeseburger.

In the meantime....

Another Haiku

The first thing I said:

"You have mustard on your face."

He did not like that.

DATE OUTFIT!!!!!

Ok, i tried on like 4 outfits before coming up with the perfect one.

HEAD TO TOE:

Jacket: GAP

BeWitched T-Shirt: Some tshirt store in Canada

Jeans: GAP

Shoes: New Balance

Lipstick: Wet-N-Wild (heh heh)

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Toniiight, toniiiight....

Getting-Ready-For-My-Date Playlist

-Waiting for Tonight (By Jennifer Lopez)

-Tonight (by West Side Story)

-Tonight (by the Jonas Brothers)

-The Lion Sleeps Tonight (by The Tokens)

-Tonight (By Tina Turner)

-My Neck (by Khia)

-Wonderful Tonight (by Eric Clapton)

Haiku

Lonely avatar

Wandering the cyberspace

Just wants a boyfriend.

I think it's time for a makeover....

There's this pretty cool site that lets you upload your picture and play around with different hairstyles and makeup. I've never been one of those girls who plays dressup, but I had a pretty good time seeing what I'd look like all glammed out. I never thought I would ever look this pretty!!

I'm posting my favorite looks so you guys can see. Who knows? Maybe soon there will be a brand new Earlene........

The Reba

The Jessica

The Liza

The Anne

The Sarah Palin

GUess who has a date tomorrow........

EARLY DOES!

EARLY DOES!!!!

Water Under the Bridge/Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water/Bridges of Madison County

That post title actually has nothing to do with this entry. Just doing a little free association to limber up my thoughts.

I'm feeling a lot better today. if maxx (i refuse to write maax becuase that's stupid!) doesn't like me, well, that's HIS loss. (but i did take my picture off the site.)

oh well, plenty of fish in the see!!!

anyway. someone sent me a f

acebook message to tell me that I look a lot like Edith Piaf (the later years.)

I don't know much about her so I did some research. turns out she's a pretty interesting character. HEre is what I learned:

-she was raised in a brothel

-she was blind from ages 3-7

-her only child, whom she had out of wedlock when she was 16, died of meningitis at the age of 2

-the love of her life died in a plane crash on his way to see her in new york

-she was addicted to morphine

-she died of liver cancer

-she was a singer

interesting stuff......

also, today i tried to take a picture of myself for the blog using photobooth, but it was accidently on video. decided to post it anyway.

A serious question:

What am I doing wrong? 

I'll be in my room. Crying.

Thanks for taking the time to write, Earlene.

You seem like a pretty cool person. I am glad that someone out there appreciates Sunkist, which is indubitably better than other orange soda brands.

Unfortunately, after reviewing your pictures,  I have come to the definite conclusion that, (as I don't drink) I am not attracted to you. At all.

I am sure the right guy is out there for you. It's just not me.

Don't worry, I'm boring anyway.

Best of luck,

Maax (two a's, not two x's...)

It's a many splendored thing......

ok, so here is what I wrote to Maxx.

Hey Maxx,

I happened to be browsing the nerve.com personnals for men between the ages of 18-28 in my area who don't smoke, and couldn't help but notice your profile.

After reading your "About Me", I realized that we have a lot in common. You describe yourself as boring: well, many people would describe me as boring too(Although that is just because most people our age are bitches who dont understand the allure of the internet, which i also noticed you listed as one of your interests....)

Also, I like how your profile picture has Sunkist in it. I too, prefer sunkist to Fanta. (No, I don't "wannafanta"!!! Am I right??!)

A little about myself: well you can see from my profile on the site that i'm living at home for a little, I enjoy the internet and avatars, and, like you, am not a partier. (unless the Sims counts? LOL!)

I really think we could have a lot in common, and possibly a future together, or at least a friendship. Message me back if you wanna get coffee or a slurpee or something.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

-Earlene

P.S. I like your name....

Seriously guys, that took me like, an hour to write. I am so nervous about his responding I could vomit.

 Ithink i might realy like this guy.........

-Early

...I think I found my dream man.

on nerve.com of course.

His name is Maxx (as in T.J.) He is interested in computer games and the internet.

Here is his "About Me":

Favorite On-Screen Sex Scene: Can't think of one!

Celebrity I resemble the most: I've been told I look like.....Justin Timberlake? And Jake Gyllenhaal...Hahaha.

The best or worst lie I've ever told: Man I don't really like very often. I cannot really remember anything off the top of my head.

Fill in the blank: ____ is sexy; ____ is sexier:

attractive;good personality

In my bedroom one will find.....: boredom

Why you should get to know me: I don't drink or smoke,  I dislike the party mentality because I think it's somewhat wreckless. Talk to me if you want.

doesn't he sound perfect for me???????????

oh also he likes Sunkist, which is in my top 5 favorite soda flavors too.

gahhhhh i don't know whether or not to "flirt" or "poke" him i am nervoussss!!!!!

sigh.

Advice

So, I need a picture for my nerve.com dating profile, but I can't choose!!!! So I am enlisting YOUR HELP!

DO you like me WITH glasses?

or WITHOUT?

i know it seems trivial but its really improtant to make a good first impression, and the picture is the first thing my futures dates (lover/boyfriend/husband) will see.

so, which do you like???

please vote in the poll, or leave a comment!

thanks!!!

-early

Writing an Online Dating Profile is Hard.

thanks for your suggestsions on dating sites....unfortauntely craigslist casual encounters was a little too intense for me, and millionairematch seemed kind of stuffy, so after some research i ended up with NERVE.COM personals.

the hardest part was writing the little text. i couldnt think of anything to write!!!! they had some guilelines, so i basically just used that and filled in my own answers when applicable. here is what i wrote:

Introduction Text:

Most of my friends would say I have a personality. I dislike the bar scene. I prefer not to party when I go out on dates. On a date, I tend to like quiet surroundings with lots of trees. I'm not very experienced in relationships. I have had no long-term relationships. Some of my favorite (activities/restaurants/places to go) are...Where I live is not very important. I am not willing to travel or move for the right person. When I'm at home, I enjoy listening to Dido. Money and career are not very important to me. My current field is N/A.

What I'm Looking For:

I'm looking for someone who wants to waste no time in developing a relationship. I like going out on dates but my real reason for being on the site is to establish a serious marriage, and I'm looking for someone with the same goal. When it comes to physical health, I excercise zero times per week, or never, and expect my potential mates to be at about the same fitness level. I like my dates to be assertive in decisions. Sensuality-like touching and candles and massage-is not as important as sex in a relationship. I prefer someone who feels the same way. My feelings on children are...

now i just need a good picture. sigh. guess it's time for a photo shoot!

online dating

has anyone ever thought of online dating?

i am considering it.

do you think i should? anyone recommend any sites?

I wish my Cat was my boyfriend.

but he isn't.

Just cause I said I was stopping my active pursuit of Bradney....

Doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about him.

Have I considered lesbianism?

Asks LusciousLizzie......

the asnwer is yes, i HAVE considered lesbianism. But CONSIDERING lesbianism is different from deciding you actually are a lesbian.

Here is how i considered lesbianism:

1. got really sick of having no luck with guys, so  i started to wonder if maybe girls would be nicer.

2. remembered that girls my age are usually bitches.

3.considered the possibility of beign sexually attracted to older lesbian types, a la Lily Tomlin.

4. Conceed that yes, maybe this is a possibility.

5. remembered that 7th grade math teacher had a "roommate", and really short hair. also coached the middle school softball team.

6. emailed said teacher and asked if i could ask her some questions about being a sister of sappho.

7.teacher emailed me back and referred me to a guidance counselor instead.

8.felt a little weird driving to my old middle school to meet with the guidance counselor. guidance counselor asked how long i had been having sexual feelings about women. told the guidance counselor that i was really more interested in an informational meeting...

9. after guidance counselor, tried to look for a few helpful websites on Lesbianism 101. mostly came across porn. watched said porn. was not turned on.

10. decided my feelings for lily tomlin were a one-off, and i am actually not a lesbian.

so, sorry lusiciouslizzie, i think i'll be sticking to men. still i am flattered by your interest, and always glad to answer questions from my readers! keep em coming!!!

about meee

F I R S T
First Best Friend: do imaginary friends count? i dunno....ish when he was little and nice, before he turned into a monster.
First Crush: Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Whatever happened to him?
First Date: N/A
First Kiss: N/A
First Album/CD: Alanis Morrisette...still one of my faves
First Piercing/Tattoo: N/A
First True Love: N/A
First Enemy: LILA KAPOWSKI. haaate her. hate hate hate.
First Time Dying My Hair: never....but thinking of doing it for the veronica lake effect
First Formal Dance: cottillion??
First Time Breaking A Bone: kindgergarten
First Time Getting Really Sick: not sure. i have always been frequently ill.

L A S T
Last Cuss Word Uttered: motherfuckingcocksucker.
Last Compliment: people have complimented me on my blog
Last/Current boy/girlfriend: N/A :-(
Last Crush: bradney, duh
Last Time Driving: a few days ago
Last Big Car Ride:to grandmas
Last Good Cry: i dont really cry too often...i dunno. maybe when buffy ended?
Last Movie Seen: Raise your Voice with stupid Hillary Duff
Last Phone Call: my mom
Last Thing Written: my mom
Last Show Watched: dirty jobs
Last Time Showered: around 10 30 this morning
Last Shoes Worn: black flip flops
Last Person That You Saw Naked Besides You: i dunno prolly someone in a movie
Last CD Played: Dido on my Itunes
Last Item Bought: a dunkin donuts coolatta
Last Disappointment: bradney :-( :-( :-( :-(
Last Annoyance: my spleen hurting
Last Song You Heard: Dido- here with me
Last Piercing/Tattoo: N/A
I AM: Earlene
I WANT: A boyfriend
I HAVE: A cat
I WISH: My cat was a boyfriend
I MISS: nothing at the moment
I FEAR: dying alone
I HEAR: DIDO, god! most repetitive quiz ever!
I SEARCH FOR: people on facebook
I WONDER: who is reading this
I REGRET: writing about bradney so much on my blog that it freaked him out
I LOVE: my fan
I ACHE: ??? i dont really get how to answer this question
I AM ALWAYS: at my computer
I AM NOT: a stalker
I DANCE: No.
I SING: no.
I CRY: ok i am done with this quiz...
I AM NOT ALWAYS:
I WRITE:
I WIN:
I LOSE:
I CONFUSE:
I HATE:
I SHOULD:

Every day-I try and I try and I try

after careful consideration, i've decided to give up on bradney, meaning, if he calls and asks me out or something, then of course i'll say yes, but i am going to stop actively pursuing him.

i came to this decision based on

A) the fact that someone wrote a comment telling me to back off or get in line cause she (maybe it was his model girlfriend?) liked bradney too, and

B) because bradney wrote on my facebook wall telling me to stop stlaking him or he'd call the police. i'm pretty sure he was kidding, but still.....

I definitely still love him, i mean, nothing could really change the way i feel about him, but you know what they say: if you love someone, let them go. if they come back to you, they're yours, and if they don't, they aren't.

so bradney, if your reading this, i'm letting you go.........

i feel pretty good about my decision, but i'm sad too. i love having crushes, and its always sad when a love affair comes to an end.

a big thank you to Traci, who commented with some great advice on how to get a boyfriend.

i'm a pretty self-confident girl, but despite this, i know i have flaws. i KNOW i am not as pretty as veronica lake or amanda bynes or someone. i know that. and i know my interests in virtual reality are a far cry from the typical interests of girls my age.

but still.

i am a nice person,
i am a good person.
i am loyal and i am kind.
i'm not really that funny, but i am pretty good at laughing at other people's jokes.
i speak two languages (English and Elvish)
i make really good snickerdoodle cookies.
i really like watching tv
i am actualy pretty lonely.

so, people out there in cyberworld, i am asking you for help. in the immortal words of freddie mercury:

can anybody find me somebody to love?

annoying...

I thought it might be a good idea to look at bradney's facebook groups and then join some of them.

too bad they're all about being black, being christian, or someone lost their phone.


i am not black, christian, and i do not need to give joe hadley my phone number.

pleease if anyone is reading this give me adviceeee ive never had a boyfirend (well a seirous one) and i need help!


in other news, gossip girl is sooooooo goood....

hit counter

oh, MOM

i have one of those mosquito moms, as in, she's always buzzing in my ear about something.

Examples of what my mom Buzzes about:

-"Why don't you join the Young, Professional and Singles Group?" (because i dont have a job. and i am in love wtih someone already.)

-"Why don't you go take Ish to get an ice cream cone or something? he would love that, he looks up to you so much!" (because actually he doesnt look up to me, because actually he would probably just ditch me and go skate boarding with his freakazoid friends and then i would come home with out him and he would come home two hours later, possibly with broken limbs, and then i would get in trouble for not watching him.)

an then the dreaded:

-"you know, Early, my friend Brenda/manicurist Guan-Yin/Rabbi Shmuel has a daughter your age, why don't you invite her over to play?"

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I don't like doing this because girls my age

1. are bitches

2.dont like the things i like

3. aren't usually really enthusiastic when you invite them over to "play".

so i usually make an excuse about being busy applying to jobs or something (ha!) but when i got home mom sprang it on me in the form of RACHEL, an aggrivatingly tall girl, sitting at my kitchen counter when i came downstairs for a snack.

then my mom looked at me like she was really surprised to see me or something and said "oh earlene, it's you i didnt realize you were home this is rachel she's about your age and new in town oh i forgot i have an appointment i gotta run you two get to know each other bye!"

and then she ran out of the room leaving me and rachel alone, staring at each other awkwardly.

so i said "uhm....wanna come upstairs and play with my avatar?"

and she took a deep sigh and closed her eyes for about 5 seconds before finally answering "sure."

so i took her upstairs and tried to entertain her but she wasn't really interested in my avatar, or neopets, or anything, and she kept leaving her room to call people on her cellphone, i think she wanted someone to pick her up.

so then i realized "a ha!" what do all girls my age like to do? TAKE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES!!!!!

so i suggested a photo shoot using my iphoto booth.

but she wasn't even interested in that, and left pretty abruptly after mumbling something about taking the bus home.

well.

at least I tried

Sexy Sexy Siren

Hey guys, its me.

so i've been thinking a lot about bradney (big shocker, I know) and how to get him. (In Bed.) (Just kidding!) (not really.)

So, what does this "model" girlfriend have that I don't? One thing, and one thing only.......

CLASS!!!!

unlike MOI, this girl wouldn't know real class if it BIT HER ON THE ASS!!!!!

so i started to do some google and wikipedia research on how to up my class factor, and i came across a lot of old actresses from the 30s and 40s and stuff. so i started looking through all the pictures until I found the PERFECT role model by the name of Mz. Veronica Lake.

Here are some interesting Facts I found about Veronica Lake:

-During the filming of "The Hour Before Dawn" she tripped on a cable and started hemorrhaging.

-Her second child, William,  died of uremic poisoning.

-After years of struggling with alcoholism, she died, destitute, of hepitatis and renal failure.

-she was 4'11"

Veronica Lake was a CLASS act. Her hairstyle became a phenomenon wayyyy before "the rachel."

I have decided to try and be more like Veronica Lake, which will make bradney notice me.

I started by trying to recreate on of Veronica's iconic pictures. I think the result is...well, there's one huge problem with me trying to look like Veronica Lake.....

I DON'T HAVE BLONDE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

something to work on, i guess.....

keep living the dream!

Love,

Earlene

Run Around GIrl

So I decided that if I'm gonna have a chance with Bradney, I gotta start getting in shape, so today I went for a run. 

(Gotta give that model girlfriend a RUN for her money--LITERALLY)

Here is me, all set for my run:

My running mix on my ipod is pretty good: "My Humps" by The Black-Eyed Peas. (There is more to my running mix, I just didn't get that far today....)

Then I came home to some interesting developments re: the bradney thing.

The Good news: HE ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bad news: there are a bunch of pictures of him with his model girlfriend :-( :-( :-( :-(

sigh.  I guess I should concentrate on the positive...at least we're friends, right?

Keep Living the Dream,

Earlene

Bradney

Sooooooo, the big thing that's been going on in my life is that I met someone.

It was at my Cousin Ish's bat mitzvah. I was really annoyed about having to go because I usually hate Bat Mitzvah's because they remind me of my own Bar Mitzvah and we all know how that ended. But mom made me go because she said Ish would be so upset if I didn't go and that it would ruin his entire day (a patent lie. I don't think Ish really likes me. Last time we went to my Aunt's house for dinner he had a friend over and they kept throwing little pieces of bread at me. At least I'm pretty sure it was them. Though I guess it could have been Grandma. She doesn't like me.)

Anyway, so I got dragged to Ish's Bar Mitzvah, where I was so bored and pissed that Ish didn't even mess up.

But then, at the after party, when I was listening to my Great Aunt talk about her colonoscopy, I SAW HIM.

He was playing that stupid game that DJs always make you play, where the guys go to one side of the room and the girls have to sit on their laps for no apparent reason.  His smile lit up the whole room.  I fell in love instantly. I stole Grandmas' camera and took a few surreptitious shots of him. I'm posting the best one.

I found out from Ish's friend (after paying him $10 :-( :-( :-() that his name is Bradney and he is Ish's tutor and he has a model girlfriend. At first I was disappointed to hear that his girlfriend was a model, but then I realized that she probably has a really bad personality, and Bradney seems deep, so I know I still have a chance.

Now I just have to figure out how to contact him without seemning creepy!!! IDEAS?

Bradney is standing towards the right. (he is black.)

Keep on Living The Dream,

Earlene

First Post Jitters

Hey guys,

So this is my first blog post...wooo!

I know that most people who will read this are probably just gonna be the weird internet lurkers from Tulsa or Cleveland or Morocco who just stumble across my blog and are bored. Hi guys! Hope my life is enough to entertain you for a little bit! You're in for a KRA-Z-Y ride1