Boston: A city after my own heart

I came to Boston with every intention of doing the Freedom Trail. But....that was before I went to Quincy Market. And then I decided to follow the Food Trail instead....





And after sampling Boston Chowder, Chicken Pot Pies, Boston Cream Pie, Indian Pudding, Whoppie Pie, and Corn on the cob, I arrived at the Fountain of Youth....





The Mecca of Boston....





The Delicious, Golden Pot at the End of a Culinary Rainbow......




Made to order Macaroni and Cheese.

Maybe I made a mistake moving to New York, cause let me tell you, Boston is where it's AT.

Full, but with a long night ahead of me,

E. Watts

Evil Nuns, Pt.2

You know, you TRY to do something NICE for someone!

You know how sometimes in High School you would come out of the bathroom with your skirt tucked into your Hanes and and walk all the way through the cafeteria before you noticed, and then think "DANG! It happened AGAIN! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"

I mean, if something really embarrassing like that was happening, like toilet paper stuck on your shoe or spinach in your teeth, you'd want to know, right??

Well. NOT Sister Glorietta! I was trying, in the most SUBTLE, unobtrusive way POSSIBLE, of letting her know she had DIRT on her forehead, and she didn't even appreciate it. Go figure.

It's only been a week, but New York is getting to me. Besides Chafik, Paul is my only friend in New York, and I think even he is getting sick of me.

The convent is pretty boring. I spent about twenty minutes this evening trying to balance a plastic lizard on my face to make it look like it was crawling on me.

 

I've decided that one of the major perks of living on the East Coast is being close to a lot of different cities. So, tomorrow, in order to get out of New York, I am headed to Beans Town, aka Boston.

I have never been before. Should be good.

Wickedly,

Earlene

One week

If I've lived in New York City for one entire week, does that make me a New Yorker?

If I haven't eaten anything that I haven't purchased from a cart in the past 7 days, does THAT make me a New Yorker?

If I've started to answer "No." to the guys on the street who ask me "Do you like comedy?", even though I actually do like comedy, does that make me a New Yorker?

If I now know to take a book on the subway to avoid making accidental eye contact with people, does that mean I'm a real New Yorker?

If I pretend to miss the Good Old Days, before gentrification when a gal could "go see a REAL show in Times Square", (whatever that means!)  does that make me a New Yorker?

If I insist that the cabbie avoid the JFK Turnpike, even though I'm pretty sure it would be faster than sitting in gridlock, does that make me a real New Yorker?

If, instead of waiting on the curb for the pedestrian signal, I step into the street and slowly inch my way across, tempting fate and angry cars, does that mean I'm a real New Yorker?

If I purposefully mispronounce street names, to highlight the fact that I am a New Yorker, (for instance: Houston is actually pronounced "house-ton". Also, Broadway is pronounced B-rode-way.) does THAT mean I'm a real New Yorker?

It's not important--just wondering when I'll actually feel like I fit in here.

New York-a-liscious,

Earlene

P.S. Here is something that New Yorkers do, that I do not do: When they are waiting for the subway, they lean as far as they can over the track and peer into the tunnel to try and see if a train is coming. It usually isn't. Also, what is the point? This is annoying.

Uptown, Only

I want to the METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART.

By mySELF! (SOMEONE couldn't be bothered to leave the Halal cart.)

Back when I was dating Carl, we had talked about how we would go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art when I moved to the city. Carl told me that The Metropolitan Museum of Art is "Pay What You Can", which means that if you are very rich, like Alex Trebek, you can pay $1,000,000 to get in to the museum, and if you are very poor, like Carl, you can pay a penny. They have to let you in, just the same.

I am not as rich as Alex Trebek and not quite as poor as Carl, so I paid $5. But really it was more like $5.37, because when I got to the fountain where everyone throws in pennies, I realized I had a lot of wishes and a LOT of change.

I thought the museum was sort of fun, but it would have been a lot more fun with Carl. I looked at the armor, and the Egyptian art. The Egyptian art was pretty good, except there weren't any speech bubbles, or discernable superheros, so I definitely think it could be improved upon.

Overall, fun, but I won't go back until I have someone to share it with. 

On the walk down Park Avenue, back to the subway stop, I thought about Gossip Girl, and how I would be a good extra on Gossip Girl, and how maybe I could be "discovered" when they need a random girl to make out with Chace Crawford in order to make Vanessa jealous on Gossip Girl, and I could volunteer, and then they would give me a recurring role on Gossip Girl, and my character would probably live in a beautiful apartment building on Park Avenue, and how it would be really fun to be rich in New York, and how it would be really fun to actually have any sort of income at all in New York, and where the heck is Whitney Port, and what exactly is a bialy anyway and is it halal, and was this crazy, moving all the way out here to New York to spend my days wandering the streets alone?

Anyway. Today's goal of taking the subway? Check.

Tomorrow's goal: Hailing a taxi.

In some kind of state of mind, anyway,

Earlene

Deep. Breath.

I suppose I had unrealistic expectations. You know that scene in Annie where Daddy Warbucks takes her into the city and the cab drivers start singing and everyone is happy? Yeah, New York is not actually like that. It's a whole different city once you venture away from Times Square and Rockerfellow center. And I don't know WHERE Whitney Port is, but I have been here four days without seeing her!

I suppose there are some things that I am just going to have to get used to. Namely, Evil nuns.

Being Jewish, I had never actually met a nun before. But I expected that they would all more or less be like this:

Or like this:

Well, it turns out that the nuns who run the convent in which I am staying are actually more like this:

But with less kind eyes.

Let's just say, singing "What If God Was One Of Us" in the shower (my morning ritual), is *Not* appreciated. 

My cat, Paul? Also not appreciated it. I know they said no pets. But. Paul isn't a pet. He's more like Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Except he doesn't talk. Or have magical powers. And he didn't used to be a person. And I have to change his litter box twice a day. But not a pet.

It's a nice, clean place to live. And the nuns are scary, but the outside, i.e. New York City is REALLY scary. Tomorrow I am forcing myself to take the subway. But tonight, I'm staying in again. I only go out so far as the corner. The corner is where I have met my first New York Friend, Chafik. He has a Halal food cart, and is very nice, and talks a lot, which is good because it is so cold outside that I cover my mouth with my scarf, rendering me uncharacteristically silent.

Chafik used to work at the russian tea room, but when he got tired of boiling tea he started his own cart. I am a hotdog de-vo-tee, as you know, but the Halal food is also very tasty, and I have had it twice a day since I've arrived. He gives me extra hot sauce and napkins, and is a good friend.

So. I suppose things aren't so bad. Like I said...things are just gonna take some getting used to.

Although, when I run into Sister Mercedes first thing in the morning, when I go to the shared bathrooms to brush my teeth....

...I just don't know how I'll ever get used to that.

Shakily,

Earlene Watts

VALENTINES DAY VIDEO

MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS TO COUSIN ISH FOR BEING ONHAND TO FILM AND EDIT THE WHOLE THING!

Crap.

Coming to New York was a huge mistake.

Huge huge huge terrible terrible mistake.

Why Reading This Blog is Better than Watching The Hills

Reader Paul pointed out the similarities between my current situation, and that of famed Intern and Reality tv star Whitney Port.

Well, I was aware of this Paul. In fact, Whitney Port and I are more similar than you might think.....

• Whitney Port grew up in Southern California. So did I.

• Whitney Port was the youngest of 5 brothers and sisters. Growing up, I liked to imagine that I was the youngest von Trapp Child, born just 15 months after Gretl.

• In an episode of The Hills, Whitney has her wisdom teeth removed. I too have had my wisdom teeth removed.

• In late 2008, Whitney got her own reality show chronicling her big move fromSouthern California to pursue a high-end fashion job in New York City. I too, am moving to New York City.

• Whitney has nice hair. Me too.

If Whitney can have such a successful life in NYC, then I see no reason why I shouldn't have an equally easy time of it.

Maybe one day we will meet up and swap stories about going on picnics and singing with our siblings.

More excitedly than nervously,

Earlene

Wish they all could be Califoria Giiirrrls....

Tomorrow is my LAST OFFICIAL DAY AS A CALIFORNIA GIRL.

This is a big deal, as I have been a California girl my entire life. I decided to go out with a bang, so I DYED MY HAIR BLONDE!

Just kidding, you guys, no I didn't. I want to fit in when I get to New York, not stand out!

But I DID do as many california girl activities I could possibly think of, including:

• Listening to "No Doubt Tragic Kingdom" on repeat.
• Prematurely complain to Hiroko and Sven about the lack of good Mexican food in New York, even though I don't even eat Mexican food because it triggers my Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
• Wear flip flops all morning.
• Change into Uggs, A mini-skirt, A tank top, and mittens during the evening.
• Flat ironed my hair, and then curled it, and then flat ironed it again to give it"natural beach waves". (This did not work so well on my hair.)
• "Lay Out"....on the roof of my garage, until the birds started to get too comfortable with me.
• Go to "Jamba". Down a wheatgrass shot. (It was disgusting. I immediately had to get a slurpee from 7-11 to get the taste out of my mouth.)

And then, finally

Driving down the freeway, past all the palm trees, blasting any music you want and singing at the top of your lungs without the fear of your mother deciding to try to harmonize with you.... 

That's the California I'm really gonna miss. All that endless room to drive. 

One more day, you guys!!!!!!!!!

Excitedly/Nervously,

Earlene

P.S. Bradney video coming by WEDNESDAY AT THE LATEST! Definitely before I get to New York!

Happy Va-len-TIIIIIIINES Day

You guys came through on your end of the bargain, and I came through on mine. Except the gondola, because those are more expensive than I thought. Also I thought it might be best to keep Bradney away from populated areas. But trust me, the date was really good, and Ish was on hand to video tape the whole thing, even if he did complain to me later that I had "tricked him" and that he felt "creepy". Whatever, I paid him.

Anyway, I have to edit that, but it will hopefully be up by Tuesday.

And on WEDNESDAY................

I AM LEAVING FOR NEW YORK CITY. Can you even believe it? I feel like this has been my dream for so long. Well, for like, two months at LEAST. This is going to be a whole new and exciting chapter in my modern life!

Unfortunately, with the start of a new chapter comes the closing of another one. I am going to greatly miss all the people who mean so much to be here in California, mainly my mom, my Grandma, and yes, even Ish.

I worry about how my mom will handle the separation. Some of the conversations we've had over the last couple days have been disturbing. On Saturday, I woke up when my mom had climbed ONTO my bed to measure the space above my headboard.

ME: Mom.......what?!

MOM: Oh, morning poodle. Did I wake you?

ME: You're standing on my hand.

MOM: Do you think I can fit a King size bed in here?

ME: Why?

MOM: I'm gonna move into this room when you leave. I've always wanted a King Size bed.

She's moving into my room?! The poor dear is so heartsick over my looming departure that she wants to move into the very room where I've spent most of my life. She wants to cocoon herself, if you will, into the walls that hold the very essence of me.

And, later, coming out of my bedroom with a box full of stuff:

MOM: Early, sweetie, do you want these?

ME: My high school yearbooks?

MOM: Yeah. Should I toss 'em?

ME: No! Geez, Mom!

MOM: Well, I don't know, it's not like high school was that great for you. 

ME: But it's still a part of my history...

MOM: (flipping through it) There's only one signature...

ME: MOM put that down--

MOM: "Shirley Mirley"?  I don't remember that name. Is that your handwriting?

ME: MOM, NO!  STOP READING THAT, OK? JUST PUT IT BACK ON THE SHELF.

MOM: Fine. I'm just trying to eliminate some clutter, but fine.

*exits. comes back a few minutes later*

MOM: What about this? You don't really need this, do you?

ME: Mr. Fluffers?

She's giving away my THINGS! Typical behaviour of a bereaved mother. Because the PHYSICAL MEMORIES of my presence will be too much for her to bear!

And, finally, tonight:

MOM: So! What do you want for dinner tonight? Your laaast dinner home!

ME: I'm not leaving til Wednesday.

MOM: What.

ME: But I'll want Kraft Mac N'Cheese.

MOM: I thought you were leaving Monday?

ME: No.

MOM: Oh.

ME: So we actually have THREE more nights together! We can have Mac'N'Cheese tonight, too!

MOM: Right, well, actually honey, I'm feeling a little tired, I think I'm gonna go upstairs and read. Can you make yourself a sandwich or something?

She SO dreads my eventual leaving that she wants the day to come SOONER, just to begin the healing process.

Poor mom.

Oh well. All chickadees have to flee the nest sometime.

Like a bird,

Early

t-1 day!

I am THREE FOLLOWERS AWAY from kidnapping Bradney for Valentines Day and having Cousin Ish video tape it. JUST THREE!!!!!!!!!!

Come on guys. Spare me from spending tomorrow night seeing "He's Just Not That Into You" with my mother, who will probably sneak some butterscotch schnapps into the theater and proceed to yell encouraging things to the characters on-screen, such as "Forget about him, sister!" and "Don't LISTEN to his lies!"

Shudder.

And now, a haiku:

A Haiku

"Earlene's Modern Life"

Would make an awesome movie

In Claymation.

But then whose voice would they use for Earlene?

Meta-lly,

E. Watts

Oh, for pete's sake.

You Guys. I have made it easy for you.

See the new gadget on the right, with a list of followers? Now all you have to do is click the "FOLLOW THIS BLOG" button. 

Now you no longer have an excuse.

It is seriously not that difficult.

Sheesh.

(Theresa....can you explain to me how to follow a blog that is not my blog? i would like to follow yours, but there isn't a button like on mine, and i only really was able to put that button on accident when I was trying to figure out how to follow other people's blogs, so now my blog has a button, but I still do not know how to follow your blog. Or any other blog, for that matter.)

Anyway.

So FACEBOOK came up with some new and stressful application for me to have social anxiety over, today. Everytime you click on a random person's facebook profile, THIS appears:

As soon as I saw that, I started having trauma flashbacks to the second grade, when made "Mail Boxes" out of old cereal boxes, and I decorated mine with construction paper hearts and wrote "EARLENE'S VALENTINES", but then on Valentine's day the only person who gave me a valentine was the teacher. And it said "YOU ARE SPECIAL". And then I showed it to my Grandma and she got all indignant and later I heard her telling my mom: "The girl may have her quirks but she is NOT retarded!"

The next year, in third grade, they implemented a new rule saying that you had to make valentines for EVERYONE.

Except, facebook can't make a rule like that, where if you send one valentine you have to send it to everyone on facebook. And that's probably a good thing, because there are people who would definitely be weirded out if they randomly got a facebook valentine from me, like the head cheerleader from high school who I only friended when after three months of working up the courage i decided that the ability to see all her pictures trumped the possible humiliation of rejection.

So now, just like every year, I probably won't be getting any valentines. Except this year, the WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW IT.

So after mulling over it for a few hours, I decided to send Bradney a facebook valentine, when, to my horror, I saw THIS:

WHO is that bitch, and WHY is she giving MY bradney a valentine?

It ALMOST made me not want to send him one. Almost.

In the end, I decided to just send him a really casual, breezy note, to let him know I'm thinking of him.

I hope he likes it.

Cupidly,

Earlene

Why do I still only have six followers.

Liveblogging=fail, as JFK doesn't have wireless internet.

I did snap this picture of myself at the gate. 

I was not chosen for exit row duty this time, so I got to spend the plane ride sleeping and watching "Into the Wild with Bear Grylles".

Have any of you guys seen that show? It's a documentary series all about this attractive British man who for some reason keeps getting stranded in a bunch of deserted places, but he was a Boy's Cout so he knows what to do in dangerous situations. I watched a show today where he as stranded in the Sahara desert, but luckily he came across a camel carcas that he could crawl into. Also he found plenty of water within the camel's belly, once he removed all the excrement.

If this whole office job thing doesn't work out, I think I should try getting my own show. "Into the Wild with Earlene Watts". ESPECIALLY with my exit row training, I would be really good at it, I think. I think I am a naturally intuitive girl when it comes to emergency situations. Like, if I were stranded at sea in a life boat, I would make a fishing hook out of my underwire bra, and then bait it with, like, kelp or something, and then I would catch lots of fish and eat them. And then if there was a whale I could get WHALE BLUBBER and use it to make candles. I have lots of good ideas.

Anyway, I am pretty tired right now, because being a jetsetter is pretty tiring. 

THREE DAYS til Valentines Day.

ONE WEEK til I move to NEW YORK CITY officially. 

Exhausted, and probably soon to be homeless, 

Earlene

Do you know what "liveblogging" is?

I think I may try "liveblogging" from the airport...

My Interview....

Could have gone significantly better.

If I can make it here....

I am in new york and ready for my interview tomorrow morning!!!!! 

Also, something very exciting happened this afternoon: I, Earlene Watts, was chosen to sit IN AN EXIT ROW! This, of course, was a huge honor, and totally unexpected. I was just sitting at the gate, enjoying my pre-flight ritual of a Cinnabon and McDonalds French Fries (call me superstitious, but my plane hasn't crashed YET!) when the gate boarder person called me up to the desk.

Gate Boarder Person: Ms.Watts?

ME: Present!

Gate Boarder Person: We're moving you into an exit row. Are you willing and able to help out in case of an emergency?

ME: (tearing up a little) I will pledge my life to this ship!

Gate Boarder Person: Plane.

ME: I won't let you down!

Gate Boarder Person: Great. You can go back to your seat now.

I went back to my seat and I called my mom to tell her the good news. I felt proud, but also nervous: Sitting in the exit row is a lot of responsibility. 200 innocent lives were in MY hands, and it was MY duty to see that they were all safe.

Once aboard the plane, I immediately tested the exit doors to make sure they were locked. I even threw myself against them a few times, just to make sure they wouldn't open accidentally in mid air. After I securely fastened my seatbelt, I turned to my neighbor, a swarthy man in a business suit, and checked to make sure that his seatbelt was properly fastened as well. 

I paid rapt attention during the safety demonstration, and when I saw that a woman was reading the newspaper instead of listening, I gently but firmly reminded her to pay attention to the flight attendant. 

I always get a little nervous when planes take off, but as Exit Row Monitor, it is my job to put on a brave face and keep the cabin calm, so as soon as the plane started to take off, I yelled out so that everyone could hear me: "EVERYONE STAY CALM! THIS IS NORMAL PLANE MOVEMENT! WE ARE JUST TAKING OFF! SO FAR THERE ARE NO SIGNS OF CRASHING INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN!"

As soon as we reached crusing altitude, I put my seatback tray down, and started making flashcards of the emergency exit information in the Safety Pamphlet. Normally a plane just lulls me to sleep, but I continuously ordered cokes to prevent that from happening. Diligence is the key to safety! 

I decided it would be a good idea to introduce myself to the Captain....after all, if there was an emergency, he and I would be called upon to work together to save the crew and passengers. Unfortunately, his door was locked, and about six flight attendants hurried over and made me sit down before I was able to meet him.

After our we began our initial descent into JFK, I walked up and down the aisles checking people's seatbelts, and remind them not to help babies and old people in case the oxygen masks came down. 

I was so proud of myself for being so brave for most of the trip, but as it came time to land, I lost some of my courage, and screamed out "WE'RE GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" as we touched down. Luckily, the swarthy man beside me was kind enough to let me grip his arm.

When we arrived at the gate, I went around the plane and shook hands with all the crew members, thanking them for a safe flight. 

Tomorrow, during my job interview, I think I should add 'Exit Row Experience" to my resume.

Courageously,

Earlene Watts

Essential Lies

Some of you expressed interest in the fact that I lie when I fill out forms at the doctor's office about smoking and drinking.

I am a very honest person, for the most part. But I know that lying is an important part of a modern girl's life. Here is a list of things it is important to lie about.

A LIST OF THINGS IT IS IMPORTANT TO LIE ABOUT

• Your resume. You guys all remember my resume, right? Beach clean-up volunteer was about my only leadership position, and unsurprisingly I got very few responses to my cover letters. The Solution? I made up a company (THE EWI GROUP, LTD) and a position (PROJECT MANAGER). The important thing for this to work is to constantly remain vague. "EWI Group, Ltd is a medium sized business with high profile clients and a commitment to increasing portfolios and profits while still being cutting edge." "As Project Manager, I oversaw a variety of projects from concept to fruition, maintaining constant contact with clients while ensuring the execution of EWI Group, Ltd's business objectives on a daily basis." What does that mean? No one will ever ask you.

• Also, in a job interview, the answer is always "YES". Are you willing to start immediately? YES. Do you have a work visa? YES. Are you willing to work overtime if necessary? YES. Describe a time when you had to take on a leadership role. YES.
  

• When talking to a boy you are interested in, and he asks you, albeit casually, how many guys you've dated, the answer is ALWAYS either three more or three fewer than the truth, depending on your number, and whether you need a little extra padding, or a little airbrushing. (In my case, I add five.)
  

• When someone asks you "Have you had lunch?" the answer is always Not Yet!

• When you get your hair cut, you should always try to bite your lip and cry at the end, even if you like it. They will usually give you 15% off.

NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND, GUYS! Cross your fingers for me. Also, I now have SIX FOLLOWERS, so i am only TEN away from my goal! Woo!

Also.....I really hope I don't run into Carl and or +/ Tressica when I walk by his apartment a few times to see if he's home in New York....

Honestly,

Early

16

So, I guess you guys want me to kidnap Bradney and take him on a gondola ride, and for cousin ish to film it.

Ok, sure.

I can do that.

BUT ONLY IF I HAVE SIXTEEN FOLLOWERS!

It's so easy it's not even funny. If you have a blog, just click FOLLOW ME PUBICALLY! 

If you have friends with blogs, get them to FOLLOW ME TOO! 

In other news, I am flying to New York on Monday for a job interview. It's amazing what a fake resume can do for a girl! 

Anyway, the question is what to wear...

I will pull some outfits and then get your input. 

Sixteenly, 

E.Watts

25 Interesting Facts About Me

So, everyone on facebook has been doing these "25 Random Facts About Me" surveys and then they tag 25 friends to make them also list 25 random facts.

This has been going on for a couple days, and I have been waiting for someone to tag me.

Well, it's been like a week, I'm running out of facebook friends who haven't done it yet, and sometimes you just gotta take matters into your own hands.

25 Interesting Facts about Moi, Earlene

1. Once I accidentally snapped a gerbil's neck. And it was the class gerbil. And I just put it back in the cage without telling anyone.
   
2. I love to chew gum and ice at the same time.
3. I hate the show Jon and Kate Plus Eight because it gives me anxiety attacks.
4. I have negative bouyancy. This is very rare, and affects less than 1% of the population. It doesn't really affect me that much, unless I am in a pool or lake or large body of water, in which case I just sink straight down to the bottom.
5. My signature drink is a Virgin Pina Colada. Every time I order it, I ask the person next to me if they like getting caught in the rain.
6. My mom went through this weird hippy period, so for a year in middle school I made my own soap.
   
7. Once I went to Bradney's house and his roommate let me in and I stole a stick of deodorant from his room. He wears Old Spice.
8. I am allergic to Coconut.
9. Once I thought a guy at the grocery store was cute, so I asked him where the humus was. Except we were standing directly in front of the hummus. And also we were at Whole Foods, where, hummus is EVERYWHERE..
10. I am not allergic to vegetables, but I tell people I am because I don't like them.
    
11. I really like Verizon commercials, and have a picture of the Verizon guy as my desktop.
12. Also, once I saw the guy from the All State commercials in a movie or something from before he was the All State, "Are You In Good Hands?" guy....and I did not like it.
13. I think that ostriches are the most terrifying creatures on the planet.
14. I can't sleep without socks on.
15. When I was little I used to pretend to get ear infections so I could get that pink medicine that tasted like bubblegum.
16. Sometimes when I go to the doctor's office and have to fill out paperwork, I lie and say that I smoke and drink so that the doctor doesn't think I'm a loser.
17. I auditioned for a barbershop quartet once but did not get in because I was not A) a man, B) on pitch, or C) retired.
18. In my head, my conscience sounds like Mr.Feeney from Boy Meets World. Like, whenever I'm about to do something bad, Mr.Feeney tells me not to. "Do NOT put frosting on that pizza, Ms.Watts!"
19. I asked my mother for a surprise party every single year of growing up, and never got one.
20. The only thing scarier than ostriches is ALF.
21. The only concert I have ever been to is a Lyle Lovett concert.
22. If I do not like you, I will draw pictures of you in my secret notebook.
23. I like the word "significantly".
24. If I have a daughter I will name her Sarapheena.
25. I can't drink out of bottles without spilling all over myself. I always have to use a glass.

Randomly,
Earlene Watts

Flirt Bowl XLIII

Congratulations Tressica! You are a double loser for today!

Starting off, I know for a fact that Tressica's step-father's first wife's brother's daughter-in-law has a cousin who lives in Tuscon, Arizona. And apparently the Tuscon Cardinals beefed it hard today during the Super Bowl.

But guess who else was bringing the beef? Tony at McDonald's.

My mom dragged me out to the Container Store today because she has to buy some new Tupperware after the "nacho incident of last Tuesday" as she keeps referring to it. But not wanting to be around large capacities of plastic and finding the Geo's ashtray full of loose change, I ventured over to the Golden Arches on the horizon of the mall's parking lot.

I walked in and who should greet me from behind the counter, but Tony. His name tag twinkled with grease in the late afternoon sun. Tony is a man who knows how to dress, making a tie and visor the sexiest fashion statement this winter. On top of that, he puts a woman's needs first:

TONY: Hi! Welcome to McDonald's. How can I serve you?
ME: (speechless) ...uhhhh....uhhhh....uhhhh....
TONY: Uh, hi? How can I serve you, miss?
ME: ....uhhhh....uhhhh....one....
TONY: The number one?
ME: ...mmmmmhhhmmm....
TONY: Can I super-size those fries for you?
ME: UUUUUH-HUUUUUH...
TONY: You want the drink super-sized too?
ME: Ooooooooo....
TONY: Got it. Your number one...(long pause)...will be out in a moment.

Then a wink.

Carl never winked at me. Carl never "super-sized" anything for me. Carl never called me number one, though I so am. And guess what Tressica? He's never going to say those kind of things to you either. Bradney is definitely the man for me at this point in my life, but who said there is anything wrong with a little flirtation? In one savy minute Tony made me swoon more than in an entire restless night of stalking both Carl and Bradney on Second Life.

Tony probably planned to give me my order on the house, but then some gross Pizza Face Girl came up to him with my bag of food, glared at me, and left. I got the hint. He's taken by Pizza Face Girl, but looking to get out, maybe expand into an open relationship. Though I never thought I'd pay for the attention of a man, I found myself handing out $4.39, plus tip, and speed-walked back to my mom's Geo.

I'm not a home wrecker, as you guys know, but if Tony ever wants a date, he know's what number to call...out loud...in the middle of those lonely, lonely nights with Pizza Face...."Number One".

So Tressica, who are the champions? Me, that's who.

Touchdown,

Earlene