Earlene's Guide to the Second Debate (Yes....THAT one)

I had just fixed myself an Elvis Sandwich (Grilled peanut butter, banana, honey, bacon) and settled down to watch the debate, when I discovered, to my HORROR, that my mother had somehow messed with the tivo (something she is expressly forbidden to do) and recorded "Dancing with the Stars" instead, which meant I had to wait for them to re-air it, which is why this is so late.

Anyway.

Earlene's Third Guide to Complicated Political Jargon

Golden Parachutes: When millionaires fly on their private jets, they have golden colored parachutes instead of normal khaki ones. Sort of like that iphone application that costs $1,000 that doesn't actually do anything except add an "I'm Rich" icon to your phone.

Warren Buffet: An American investor, banker, and philanthropist.  Also wrote the song "Margaritaville".

crone-y-ism: The noun form of being an old crone. John McCain wants to get rid of the crone-y-ism in Washington D.C., i.e. all the mean old women. Earlene did not feel her love of cats was an omen of her future crone-y-ism.

Pork Barrel Ear Marks: I think this is like, when you get your ears pierced at the mall instead of someplace like the doctor's. And the needles aren't kosher or something. 

Reaching Across the Table: Usually done in order to grab a side dish that is far away, like corn. Also known as a "boarding house reach". It is important that senators do this so that everyone has equal amounts of corn and stuffing and potatoes. Like at Thanksgiving. Which is a predominately American holiday.

Reaching Across the Aisle: Like at a wedding when you don't know the person across the aisle but the ceremony is really boring so you sort of make eye contact and roll your eyes or something and then are friends. I imagine this happens a lot at the senate.

Buying An Overhead Projector For A Planetarium in Illinois: Just Political-Lingo for "The absolute GREEDIEST, most REVOLTINGLY MATERIALISTIC WASTE OF MONEY EVER". 

Date Certain: Personally, I had no idea that such a thing as a "date certain" aka "certain date" existed, but am now for the first time considering running for congress....

Wall Street Got Drunk: To be honest, I don't completely understand this metaphor, but if wall street's penchant for alcohol is what's behind all this economic mess, then wall street probably should have stuck with the mac'n'cheese.

Bail Out Vs. Rescue: Again, this actually does mean the same thing.

Closing Thought:

Dear John McCain,

A SHARPIE IS NOT A PEN. PLEASE BUY YOURSELF A BIC.

Fondly,

Earlene Watts