Earlene's Guide to Complicated Political Jargon

Tonight was the first Presidential Debate. I watched it and ate cupcakes.

Me watching the Debates. My cupcake fell on the ground and broke in two. But it was still good.

the debates can be kind of hard to follow unless you're well-versed in political terminology, and can pick up on the many allusions the candidates peppered their responses with. Luckily, I am, and can.

to help you make sense of this historic event, I have decided to write up a quick LEXICON of some of the words tossed around this evening.

EARLENE'S LEXICON

MAIN STREET:   This was referenced numerous time by both candidates, for example: The stock market crash does not only affect Wall Street, it affects MAIN STREET as well. For those of you who do not know where MAIN STREET is, I will tell you: it is the main thoroughfare of Disneyland, that includes such features as a trolley, an old fashioned cinema, and an ice cream parlor. The stock market crash affects MAIN STREET because Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, but not if parents can't afford to take their kids there anymore. 

FANNIE MAY: An evil lady. McCain warned people about her.

FREDDY MAC: Presumably Fannie May's accomplice.

EARMARKING: colloquially known as Pierced Ears. McCain sees this as a gateway drug to more serious rebellions, such as cocaine, heroine, and tattoos. 

MISS CONGENIALITY: An award frequently given to charming pageant winners who are also pretty, a la Sandra Bullock. Not really surprising that John McCain did not win this award...

Senate Inside Baseball: this one is pretty self-explanatory...a baseball game, played by senators, inside the senate. During Recess, I guess....

Definition of Tactic vs. Definition of Strategy: it actually does basically mean the same thing.

an old pen: fancy political terminology for "A Sharpie"

Hope that cleared some things up for you guys! Here's hoping for a rousing vice-presidential debate next week!

-Early