How do you solve a problem like Earleee-eeene? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

Editorial Note: Some readers gave me some, Ahem, Constructive Criticism about my post yesterday. I am told it was perhaps a little difficult to figure out what I was talking about? Ok, fair enough. I know that my writing is very sophisticated, nuanced, and peppered with complex metaphors that the average reader of, say, Perez Hilton or The Huffington Post would be unaccustomed to. So let me clarify: 

I AM MOVING INTO A CONVENT IN NEW YORK CITY. BUT YOU HAVE TO APPLY FIRST. SO THAT WAS MY PERSONAL STATEMENT. 

At first I was afraid that living in a convent might be a little weird, but after carefully reviewing The Sound of Music, I am excited about all the singing I will surely be doing, and can't wait to hear what song the nuns will make up about ME, Earlene. Also, if they feel the need to pimp me out to babysit cute little children who like schnitzle with noodles, which I understand is the Austrian version of Mac N'Cheese with hotdogs, that would be fine by me. 

Moving on.

Tonight I went to see Dog Millionaire, which it turns out has a "Slum" in front of it and is not the Animated Sequel to "All Dogs Go To Heaven".  Before the movie I naturally went to the Concessions stand to get an Icee, the CUTEST GUY I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE was working the register. Seriously, he looked like Paul from the Wonder Years. In the last season, when he got hot. 

Paul, the Early Years.

Our conversation went like this:

NOT ACTUALLY PAUL FROM THE WONDER YEARS: Can I help you?

EARLENE: A coke Icee.

NOT PAUL: We're out of Coke flavor.

EARLENE: HAMINA??

NOT PAUL: Uh. We have Blue Raspberry. Would you like that instead?

EARLENE: Yes.

-Not Paul goes to get the Blue Raspberry Icee-

NOT PAUL: $4.25

EARLENE: What are they gonna think of next? Purple Orange?

NOT PAUL: What?

EARLENE: Get it?

NOT PAUL: No...

EARLENE: Blue Raspberry? BLUE? Raspberries are RED!

NOT PAUL: Oh. Right.

EARLENE: It's SILLY! Am I right? Am I right??

NOT PAUL: That'll still be $4.25, please.

Sigh. I'm gonna be seeing a LOT more movies, now that I know I can get a MAN along with my nachos.

Fliberdigibbetly,

Earlene